Friday Feast #102

Appetizer
Name one thing nice that you could do for someone else today.

It's curious to me that it's "could do" and not "did do." I shall answer both. I could donate a kidney. I was quite unfortunately detained helping some poor shopper whose desired can of tuna was beyond her reach. Hell, I can't save the world. I'll settle for unsolicited tuna-reaching as a really good day, deed wise.

Soup
When was the last time you were frightened by the weather?

I love weather, people. Gimme blizzards, thunderstorms and winds any day. The other day, it rained all day and was 23 degrees. I loved it. The day before that, there were thunderstorms. One of them pretty severe. It turned me on.

So, I present to you the three times I recall the weather scaring me:

1) When I was probably 4. My sister Victoria and I had received Magic Saucers I believe either for Christmas or a trip to Crappy Tire. So, after the next snowstorm, out we were sent with our stupid snow-sliding devices. As soon as I got out the side door, holding both handles on the evil entity, began the scary sequence of events. What I didn't know then but will never forget, is that it was a windy day. A gust of wind immediately got caught up with my Saucer. It took me out to the street. Now, there was a foot of snow on the road and no cars to be seen but I was 4. All I knew was this was not the proper way to cross the road. I almost dropped in my snow pants. I don't know if Victoria remembers this or not - as I was being blown away, she was screaming "Let go! Let go!" Smart girl that one. I thought I was going to be blown away to lost.

Come to think of it, the Saucer scared me. The weather was simply it's enabler. You see, the Saucer wasn't finished with me. One afternoon, Victoria and I went to the double hill with our Saucers. Except we went to the side hill. So down I go. Saucers it turns out rotate you. The next thing I know, I'm going backwards. Victoria all of a sudden screams "Look out!"

I ended up using the back of my head and a tree to stop. Poor Vic to this day tells me she thought I was gonna die. It hurt like hell, my friends. No long term effects, except I turned gay.

2) When I was around 8. There was a huge wind storm. In the evening our barn-style shed picked up and dropped several feet away in the back yard - taking out the clothes line. That night, the walls of the house were shaking I remember looking out the window and being really scared.

3) When I was 14. Shut up. We just moved to Toronto from Out East. Now, there weren't enough T storms for my liking where I'm from, so I was quite pleased with the frequency here.

A couple weeks after moving in, a severe thunderstorm struck at about midnight. I was in the living room, looking out the window at it. Lightning struck a nearby highrise with an immense clap of thunder. Scared the shit out of me. I immediately got on all fours, and crawled to my room - stairs and all. I got into my bed and trembled.

I thought I told you to shut up.

Ok, I admit it's a rather large bowl of soup. Sue me.


Salad
What would you say is the most useful website or blog that you visit?

Depends on my mood. I shall provide this link.

Main Course
Who was your favorite singer/group when you were a child?

My mother used to play a lot of records, so I have an affinity to some Neil Diamond, Anne Murray, Jim Neighbours and Mammas and Pappas tunes.

The first record I ever bought on my own was - and again I ask you to shut up - The Village People.

Damn you, tree! Damn you, Magic Saucer!

Dessert
Do you have any rituals? If so, what are they?

I always wipe my ass after taking a dump.

Categories: Feast